


Mutually Assured Destruction

by Perpetualstranger



Series: One Man's Freedom is Another's Destruction [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. References, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-02-22 13:34:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2509610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perpetualstranger/pseuds/Perpetualstranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The group are flown back to New York on Fury's orders and things don't go according to plan. At least not theres.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if people are still interested in this story; but the Age of Ultron trailer really inspired me to continue it. 
> 
> * intense violence/blood  
> *slight reference/spoilers to Agents of SHIELD 
> 
> New character introduced.  
> (Their identity won't be a shock to you guys, mostly Natasha)

It was late into the night when the group arrived in New York City. JFK airport was relatively empty except for a few people hurrying away to their own destinations. Silence was all they were accompanied with as they waited for the conveyer belt to bring out their belongings at baggage claim. Sam kept his flight pack as a carryon in case it got lost or someone tried to steal it.

One by one, everyone plucked their bags and went their own ways, but they still couldn't find theirs. The subtle clacking of heels against the tiled floor, followed by a soft thud of something falling onto the floor right behind them caused the group to turn to the source.

"Ready to go?" Maria Hill stood before them with their luggage at her feet and a patient smile on her face.

"Agent Hill." Steve blurted out. "What are you doing here?"

"Fury's got me on babysitting detail." She picked up their bags once more and nudged her head for the group to follow her. "Come on, let's get out of here before someone spots one of you guys and a publicity shit-storm ensues."

"Do you need any help?" Sam reached forward to relive her of carrying the bags when Maria shot him a disbelieving look. 

"I'm fine, Wilson. There's a car waiting just outside these doors to take you to where you'll be staying tonight."

Sure enough, outside the automatic doors was a SHIELD town car. The only difference being the painted on insignia of the organization had been scratched off the side of the black door. Maria tossed their luggage at some low level agent to put into the trunk before turning to Natasha.

"Agent Romanov, may I have a word with you?" Maria inquired, sharply nudging her head in the direction away from the group. She calmly watched the agent that was fumbling to get their luggage in the trunk, even with Captain America's help, before walking out of ear shot.

"Where the hell have you been, Natasha?" Maria hissed, her eyes narrowing into slits as she stood tensely and awaited a response. "You went completely off the grid, _for months_. I had to call in Agent Skye and even she couldn't get a single trace on you."

"Good, I needed a little time for myself to figure things out." Natasha crossed her arms together confidently. "You remember how I leaked my history onto the web, SHIELD fell, and everything turned to chaos, right?"

"Of course I do. I have to live with cleaning up the whole mess while you're running around with those guys causing even more messes." Maria stopped herself from saying Coulson had helped out. None of the Avengers knew he was alive, much less Director of the new SHIELD. Maria stopped herself from saying a lot of things she wish she could.

"The point is, you could've just told me, or Fury, where you were going so we didn't waste so much time worrying." Maria exhaled, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder. Sam was looking over at the two speaking in hushed tones, but was too tired to do anything. "We deserved to know."

"I could've said the same when you two withheld the fact that Fury faked his-" Natasha's words were cut off when Maria put her hand over her mouth. The redhead realized that it wasn't wise to discuss such secretive and detrimental information in public. Not when HYDRA and god knows who else could be blended in somewhere.

"Fair enough." Maria slipped her hand off. "I guess what I'm trying to say is-"

" _That you missed me_. I know." Natasha returned Maria's smile with a crooked version of her own. "You and Fury have a funny way of showing it."

Maria jokingly rolled her eyes and was about to say something more when a honk caused them to jump. They looked over to see everyone was waiting on them in the car. They gave each other firm nods before Maria disappeared into the night.

* * *

"Were you and Hill talking about where we're staying at?" Sam asked as Natasha slipped into the backseat next to Steve and shut the door. "Because I have no idea and-"

"Don't you worry about that, Mr. Wilson. I'll take you all where you need to go." The agent who was talking on the phone moments ago reassured the group before peeling away from the parking lot and into the main road.

Natasha knew of a few SHIELD safe houses in New York that weren't compromised, but they were on the other side of town. Perhaps those went down too in the few months they were gone. She looked over at Steve who had his head in his hands, his broad back hunched forward that she gingerly placed her hand on. He sat back up in reaction, his usually sharp blue eyes softened, bleary from tiredness. She looked to Sam who was half asleep with his head leaning against the window before pressing her lips to Steve's cheek and reaching to wipe it off. He leaned into the touch and kissed the palm of her hand before she pulled it away. He was about to say something when the car pulled to the stop in front of an alley.

"What's this? Where are we?" Steve asked instead, his eyes narrowing at the agent who seemed to have stopped for no reason.

"No more talking, sir." The agent pulled out an ICER gun and shot Steve and Sam point blank. Natasha watched the whole thing go down in horror, looking to see the tranquilizer enter their bodies almost immediately as every vein in their body turned a visible shade of blue. Before Natasha could react or figure out why she wasn't knocked out as well, the car door swung open and a gloved hand snatched her out. The man was clad in black cargo pants, steel toed combat boots, a bullet proof vest with straps that crossed over his chest, and a mask that encompassed her attacker's face with a white skull on it.

_Crossbones_.

He took a baton from a hostler strapped to his thigh and bashed her side with it, an excruciating electrical shock following. Natasha's mouth opened to scream when his gloved hand pressed against her mouth to silence it.

_'That's the second time today.'_ Natasha remarked to herself before sinking her teeth into the man's hand as hard as she could. Crossbones retracted from her and ripped his glove off to see his hand was bleeding. Natasha was distracted by the serious burn marks that marred the hand that she didn't register it turning into a fist with the intent of bashing her face in. She quickly sidestepped and instead, his fist connected with the glass window of the car and shattered it.

Sam was knocked out cold from the effects of the sedative, but Steve's body had the super serum which attacked foreign substances. He felt hazy still, and the sound of glass shattering and spraying onto him stirred him from unconsciousness. From his blurred eyesight, he saw Natasha had things under control before his body shut down once more.

Natasha threw a punch which Crossbones caught with his uninjured hand, then tried again with her other fist. He grabbed her wrists and pinned her arms behind her back, bracing her against him in a constricting hold. A part of her wondered if the guy knew her fighting patterns.

Too close to kick, Natasha decided on headbutting him which only gave her a numbing pain in her skull as Crossbones just sniggered. With her hands close together, she managed to activate the Widow Bites on her wrists and electrocute him. He staggered backwards enough for Natasha to kick him in the gut and watch as he fell flat on his back.

The fact that Crossbones sought only her, and didn't kill when he got the chance intrigued Natasha. But that fact that she heard on radio frequencies late at night of a man in all black adorned with a skull that was killing hundreds of people intrigued her more. She called Punisher when she first heard of this Crossbones on her radar and wondered if Frank was having a middle-life crisis and decided to change his name. But it wasn't him, even he didn't know who it was.

Natasha straddled the man to keep him in place and pinned his arms down with her knees before reaching to pull off his mask. What she saw nearly knocked the wind out of her.

" _Rumlow?_ " Natasha's breath hitched as her fingers hesitantly reached out to touch the charred flesh of his face contorted in pain and fury. She could sense it building up inside him as his chest, which she was sitting on, rose and fell unevenly as he breathed sharply through his nose.

"Wha-what happened to-"

"Doesn't matter." Crossbones cut her off, the words coming through clenched teeth. "The only thing that matters is what's going to happen to you in the next thirty seconds." He grabbed hold of Natasha's shoulders and flipped them over so he loomed over her.

"HYDRA caught wind of your little show in Dresden; took down the deepest roots of the KGB in a cocktail dress." Brock's burnt and cracked lips curled into a smirk as he huffed at her. "They could use people with skills like yours."

Everything coming into perspective caught her off guard; it taking Natasha a moment to respond.

"You think I'm stupid enough to join HYDRA just because they give me a compliment?" She scoffed and began to wriggle in his iron grip. "Threatening my life and knocking out my friends isn't exactly rolling out the welcoming mat."

"No," Rumlow took a handgun strapped to her thigh and shot a clueless man that was entering the alley before tossing it aside. "But I think you're smart enough to wanna live." Her eyes widened as he took two metal cuffs out of his pocket and they instinctively clasped around her wrists and pinned them to the ground like a magnet. "You see, HYDRA also knows that you have access to Blue Monday. And they don't like people with that much intel on them that aren't on their side." He remarked nonchalantly as he wrapped up the bleeding bite mark on his hand with some gauze he found in another pant pocket.

"I don't chose sides, Rumlow." She spat, her hips bucking as she tried to wriggle her way out from underneath him.

"No, you're right Natasha." He gave a thin smile before taking out knife from his hostler. "Your sides has always been chosen for you. You follow orders from whomever is giving them." He held the knife against her throat so close that Natasha was scared if she swallowed a gulp of breath it was slice her skin. "My knife that is hairs away from slitting a major artery is HYDRA's way of giving orders." Rumlow pressed the blade into her skin.

" _Join or die_."

When she took too long to respond, he glided the tip of the knife to her gut and pressed hard enough to make a point. "You don't have a choice, Romanov."

Never again would she desert her comrades to save herself.

Never again would she align herself with corrupted organizations.

Never again would she be powerless to those who underestimated her.

Never again would she add red to her ledger.

" _Never again_." Natasha hissed, clenching her teeth in anger and also to stop herself from crying out from the sharp pain of the blade puncturing her flesh.

"That's a shame-" Rumlow blade sunk deep inside her and Natasha felt herself suffocating on her own blood. He pulled the blade out and wiped it against his pants before sheathing it in his holster. She jolted when she felt his fingers press inside the wound and she couldn't stop the cry that ripped from her throat as she squeezed her eyes tightly. "You could have been useful to the cause, Romanov. If only you'd just comply." He looked down at Natasha as he chided her. Smiled at the way she furiously blinked away her tears that streamed down her colorless cheeks. She fought to appear strong even with her last breath. Even as she coughed up blood gurgling from her quivering lips dribbled down her chin.

" _Hail Hydra_." Rumlow whispered before stalking into the darkness of the alley and disappearing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow up of Natasha's attack. New characters are introduced.
> 
> *blood/mentions of violence   
> *mild Agents of SHIELD references

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These first few chapters are sort of broken up pieces of one chapter I thought would be too long- so the next part to this will be uploaded tomorrow.

Sam awoke to the sound of a gunshot, jolting from his seat and looking to see Steve struggling to wake up and not give into the sedative. Through the shattered car window, Sam saw a man pinning Natasha to the floor with a knife in hand. He tried to move, but his body wouldn't listen to him. He sluggishly jostled Steve, grabbing him by the shirt until his eyes flickered open.

_"Na-Nat-Tasha's_ in trouble." Sam managed to spit out. His mind seemed to turn into override when he heard her cry in pain and he felt clarity hit him like a surging wave.

"Sam, what's going on?" Steve murmured as he rubbed his head and blinked away the blurriness from his eyes.

"I think we're too late." He breathed out, his shoulders slumping as he looked over to see Natasha's attacker gone and her limp body on the ground. "Come on, man! Snap out of it!"

They stumbled out of the car and ran to Natasha in the alley, not without passing the body of a young man who was shot in the chest, music still playing in his ears.

"She hasn't lost that much blood-nothing that can't be fixed." Sam muttered shakily, his movements jerky and frantic as he tried to patch her up with a strip of his shirt he tore off.

"You're trying to tell me this _isn't_ a lot of blood?" Steve asked incredulously as he yanked the magnetic cuffs away. There was blood everywhere. All he saw was red.

"I'm trying to calm you down." Sam replied frankly, his eyes determined and dead set. "It's not like you haven't seen your fair share of it on the battlefield."

"What's her status? Do we need to call for an EMT?" Steve asked when no progress seemed to be made, looking to his friend who remained calm and in his zone.

"120 beats per minute." Sam clarified as he pressed his fingers to her neck, the flesh caked with dried blood. "Her pulse is a little weak, but her breathing is fine." The pilot looked up from his ministrations to see Steve was baffled by his knowledge.

"I had some medical training on base." He shrugged and was about to elaborate when a weak cough erupted from Natasha and she lurched forward to spit up more blood. The two men shared a relieved smile at her revival.

"Can you run? We need to clear out before anyone finds us." Steve's eyes darted about Natasha's solemn and bloodied face. She carefully licked her lips before attempting to speak.

"I'm fine guys. I'll manage. Just get out of here." Natasha hoarsely replied, a series of rattling coughs attacked her when she tried to sit up.

"Stop it." Sam commanded. "I don't want you to be _fine_. If you start running, your heart rate will only elevate and we sure as hell can't have that." Before anyone could object, he spoke again. "I'll get a hold of Maria and let her know what just went down here, maybe tell her to meet us at the nearest safe house. Steve, you get Natasha to the car and make sure she lays in an elevated position."

The soldier nodded and did what he was told, hoisting Natasha's battered body from the ground and helping her to the car. He could feel her breath against his neck as her head drooped against his shoulder which gave him some comfort. Steve carefully helped her into the backseat with her upper body resting on his lap. His hand cradled her head and stroked her matted hair. Sam entered into the driver's seat and started the car up, veering back onto the road. Not without the dozen or so people he cut off angrily honking their horns at him. The only thing Steve could do to distract himself was to listen to Sam's conversation with Maria Hill.

"Well, I don't give a damn if Fury will be _displeased_. I'm pissed."

"That agent was your man, and he ended up being HYDRA. How could you allow for this to happen? What was it that you were doing that was so important that you couldn't secure our safety by escorting us yourself?"

"I don't care if I don't have the security clearance. Natasha could've died and you yourself said Fury put you on babysitting detail."

"The agent had some sort of tranquilizer gun. It knocked Steve and myself out- we were incapacitated."

"I'll subject myself to a full debriefing once Natasha reaches normal conditions. Protocol is what almost got us killed."

"Fury is _where_? I see. I understand."

"We'll talk more when we get there."

"Bye."

Steve tore his eyes away from Natasha to see the gleaming building that Sam came to a stop in front of. Stark Tower. The building was so tall he had to lean forward in his seat and tilt his head to see the top of it. Sam got out of the driver's seat and assisted Steve with easing Natasha out of the car.

"I wish you guys would visit on more positive terms." Tony Stark himself remarked as he opened the door for them. A deadly glare from Steve silenced him. "But I take what I'm given." He shrugged and muttered to himself as they helped Natasha to sit in the nearest couch. While Sam readjusted the makeshift bandage on Natasha's stomach, Tony pulled Steve aside.

"Who's the guy? Can we trust him?"

"Yes, I trust him. He has aided me in many missions and saved my life." Steve went blank for a moment before dread washed over his face and turned his voice soft. "And now Natasha's life it seems."

"Does this knight in shining armor have a name?"

"Sam Wilson. He's an agent of-"

"Say no more. I know quite well of him." When Steve's face scrunched in confusion, Tony elaborated. "I may have helped with the prototype designs of his flight suit."

Steve pursed his lips and gave an impressed nod, his eyes flitting back to Natasha even when Stark's mouth continued to move.

"Speaking of Fury, he and Maria said they'd be here soon. Apparently there was a breakout of all the prisoners at this super secret SHIELD prison. Also, funny story actually-"

"Frankly, Stark- I don't have time for your funny stories. Natasha is bleeding out-"

"All over my expensive couch, I know." Tony snapped before sighing deeply. "Listen, I'll do whatever I can to help Natasha. And you guys can stay here too-" There was an uncharacteristic amount of genuineness in his voice. And then it was gone. "I'm not just saying that because I'm incredibly bored and Hill doesn't know how to have fun."

Steve huffed softly and rolled his eyes. "Then go find something to help Natasha. If she makes it out of this, then you can think about having fun."

"Come on, Cap." Tony clapped his shoulder and put on a big grin. "This is Natasha we're talking about. She always makes it out just fine." He gave a playful salute before leaving to his medical cabinet.

* * *

"Can I help with anything? I'm going crazy here." Steve came up behind Sam who was in the process of ripping out the stuffing of a pillow to dab at her wound.

"Could you get some alcohol?" Natasha asked, hissing when Sam applied too much pressure. "I know Stark has to have something around here."

"For sterilizing?" Steve asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"For _me_." Natasha smirked. Sam and Steve shared an amused look, smiling and shaking their heads in disbelief before the soldier left to secure her a drink.

"How is she?" Stark entered abruptly into the room, his eyes bulging at the ripped up pillow before filling with a surprising amount of concern.

" _She_ is fine, thank you. I can speak for myself." Natasha snapped. She didn't particularly like others treating her wounds and making it being a big deal, but she certainly wasn't thrilled about the idea of it happening at Stark's place.

"I don't believe we've really met. I don't really need an introduction but-"

"I know who you are, Stark." Sam replied grimly. His name always elicited a strong reaction from people in some form or another, but Tony was honestly clueless as to what he did to piss off the stranger. "Your name was written on the RPG that shot my friend out of the sky." He took his time to dab her wound before finally turning to look at the man. He rose to his feet and gave a wide smile that didn't quite meet his eyes- something Natasha had never seen before. "No hard feelings." Sam promptly left the room to find a bathroom to wash his hands in.

There was an awkward silence that fell in the room. Natasha watched Tony's shoulder slump and lips tighten into a frown as he picked up a pillow with all the cotton Sam pulled out before trudging towards another room.

"Actually, Tony-" She called for him before he left the room. "Could you tell me where the bar is at in this place? I sent Steve to go find it and I think he got lost."

"I got something better than alcohol, surprisingly." He perked up upon remembering why he left in the first place, and fished through his pant pocket to pull out an orange vial. "I can give you these, shipped straight from Madripoor- but don't tell anyone-"

"Don't tell anyone _what_ , Stark?" Maria came in through the front door and tried to contain the shock that lined her face upon seeing Natasha stained in her own blood.

"Maria!" Tony beamed and clapped his hands together. "You're a little late, I'm afraid. We already got things patched up here, _literally_." He gestured towards Natasha. "See? I'm a responsible adult and everything is running smoothly here under my command."

"I'm still your supervisor, Tony. This doesn't change anything." Maria stated before moving past him to sit with Natasha who was slapping a handful of questionable pills into her mouth.

"You need anything?" Maria's lips tightened grimly as she looked at the battered state of her friend who simply shook her head.

"Natasha, I-" The apology died out on her tongue; they had no use for such trivial words. Instead, she brushed a clump of hair behind the redhead's ear and tried to smile. "If it makes you feel any better, I got an earful from Wilson."

"It's nobody's fault except for the person who attacked me." Natasha exhaled and looked down at the wound that managed to stop bleeding. She did a double take when she noticed the corner of something sticking out of her wound. She paid no mind to Maria, Tony, and now Sam who were all watching her intently. She took a sharp breath through her nose before pressing her fingers into the wound and slowly pulling something out.

"Natasha? What're you-" Sam's eyes widened in shock but he didn't intervene. Natasha gritted her teeth and hissed in pain as she removed the thin object and fresh blood dribbled down her stomach. It grew silent as everyone released a breath and tried to process what just happened.

 

 

"You must be really good at the game Operation." Tony remarked, watching with wide eyes as she held what appeared to be a small plastic bag between her stained fingers. Maria glared at him and tightened her jaw before focusing back on Natasha.

"What is that, Natasha?" Sam now stepping in, eyebrows furrowing at the sight of her bleeding again after pulling the bag from inside her. "What's all of this? Did the guy who attacked you put that ins-" The rest of his question was interrupted when he felt himself gag.

Natasha opened the bag, no larger than a credit card, and pulled out a scrap of paper folded up. Scribbled on the paper were quadrants to some location. An invitation? A call for help?

" _Brumlow_."

" _What?_ " Maria managed out before Stark began rambling. "Who is he, Nat?" Tony asked anxiously, as if his body was revitalized with nervous energy at the thought of some action. "I'll put on the suit and-"

"I thought he went down with the Triskelion?" Maria pressed, giving Tony a silencing look before continuing her line of questioning.

"No," Natasha sighed deeply, the resurgent pain and sudden change of things weighing down on her. "A search team found him still breathing in the rubble and rushed him to the hospital."

"Which is where we should be taking you, if it were up to me." Fury confidently waltzed in through the front door like he owned the place, which didn't sit well with Tony. "And last time I checked, it is."

"Sir, you're late." Maria stood and approached him. "Is the situation contained?" She whispered to him. Fury gave her a firm nod before reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a package.

"Sorry about that," He tossed it to Natasha who still had her quick reflexes, looking to see it was a travel sized first aid kit. "Had to swing by the store." Sam busied himself with cracking it open and applying a fresh bandage to her. Steve entered with a glass of vodka in hand and took in how much had changed since he left.

"Captain, so good of you to join us now that you've got yourself a drink." Furry quipped, his light tone oozing sarcasm. "Would you like me to call for pizza since this seems to be party?"

"No, sir." Steve replied stiffly, not bothering to explain himself, simply giving Natasha the glass before sitting in a free chair off to the side. He shot Sam a confused look which prompted the pair to leave so he could catch him up on what happened.

"I need to speak with Agent Hill alone for a moment on a separate matter-" Fury stated, his good eye narrowing sternly. "And then you and I are going to have a talk." He pointed his gloved finger at Natasha before walking into another room. Secretly, Tony was relieved it wasn't him getting chewed out for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who are showing interest in this story still- any feedback would be great!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Consequences fall in place and choices are made which effect the stability of the group.

"You're a good guy, when you want to be." Natasha commented as she preoccupied herself with fiddling with a piece of gauze. Internally, it was killing her to wait on Fury- but she'd never show it. When she heard Tony snickering, her head whipped up to look at his smile. A subtler version slipped onto her own face.

"Yeah, I am a man of many surprises." He picked up the half empty glass of vodka and took a careful sip as he contemplated his words. "You know full well of that when you know- you faked being my assistant and all." He waved her incoming defense off nonchalantly as Natasha rolled her eyes. "I feel like I've changed though. I guess you could say I got inspiration from seeing the team back-"

" _We are not a team_." Natasha hissed, cutting him off so suddenly that it caught him by surprise. Luckily he already swallowed his drink lest he would've choked on it. He knew the Black Widow wasn't one to hold full blown conversations with a guy like him, but he hadn't said anything he couldn't in front of Pepper- And Maria now. It didn't make sense that she would feel this way after her teammates helped her. He saw the camaraderie shared, almost envied it. So what was Natasha talking about?

"I am grateful for what you've done today, but it doesn't change anything." She clarified, a sense or grimness lined her words and tightened her face. "Steve and I are at wits end and his mind is set on finding the Winter Soldier." Natasha's usual blank and unrevealing nature visibly washed over her features once more as she squared her shoulders and toughed out the pain as she was taught. "And nothing else." Her words felt distant, hints of dread edging her voice. She casted her eyes to the floor and cleared her throat when she felt it close up.

Steve didn't have time for the Avengers. Didn't even have time to sleep. So there sure as hell wasn't any left for her, Natasha realized. Tony could see the seed of doubt blossoming, enveloping her eyes with a film of emptiness. He decided to keep her talking as long as he could. Talking is what he does best.

"And what is your mind set on?" He asked carefully, handing her the glass of vodka which she threw the remaining amounts back in one gulp before responding.

"Taking down Crossbones." She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "And HYDRA with him if I don't have anything else on my schedule." The smirk that slipped on her face put Tony momentarily at ease.

"You're gonna take down HYDRA- all by yourself?" He raised his eyebrows in disbelief as he stood to refill the glass. He plucked his favorite bottle and poured its contents into the empty glass. "You might wanna set some more realistic goals here. Or let me come with you-"

"I took down a ballroom full of KGB's finest in a cocktail dress, Stark. HYDRA can't be that hard." Natasha didn't let herself get cocky, but it gets hard not to when you're around Tony.

"It might get a little difficult if I take you off the mission, Romanov." Fury's voice sounded suddenly as he walked into the room once more. Natasha stood too quickly, but ignored the stinging pain to make a point.

"Sir, if it's about this scratch, then you don't have to worry. Rumlow didn't even puncture any organs and I'm already healing."

"I'm pulling you out for your own safety."

"Nick," Natasha's voice lowered, her eyes intently locked on him. "I am just as capable of doing my job than anyone else on the team." She shook her head and folded her arms over her chest. "The last thing I need is for you to be doubting my abilities."

"I am the last person to underestimate you, you know that. Only a fool would do such a thing." He ripped off his sunglasses and glared at her with both eyes. "And do you take me for a fool?"

When his question was met with reluctant silence, he continued.

"If I did underestimate you, then I would have just wrote you off as the defected Russian spy you were and had Barton pull the switch." He sighed when he saw her eyes fill with an unmistakable sorrow and decided to loosen up. "I'm not doubting your abilities, _I'm preserving them_."

"Why're you saying all these things?" Her eyes darted to Maria and Tony who silently watched them before deciding to leave into a separate room. Once they were out of sight, she allowed herself to speak. "Tell it to me straight, you know you can."

"I'm pulling you off the mission, completely. It's too dangerous with your history leaked onto the web." Despite the utter resentment that washed over her, he continued speaking. "You're not safe."

"So instead of giving me the protection that you always said SHIELD was founded on," Natasha closed her eyes and shook her head in disbelief. "You kick me to the curb because I'm a liability."

"I would _never_ kick you to the curb-"

"Then what're you going to do?" She snapped, her eyes anxiously roving over her superior. "What am I to do?"

"I pulled some strings, managed to secure you an interview for a position as an intelligence intercepter with the FBI." He dreaded the words as they fell out of his mouth, yet it didn't stop him from finishing. "The CIA has reached maximum capacity with all the other lost SHIELD agents- so you'll go in for questioning and diagnostics this Thursday."

" _No_." Natasha ignored the way his eyes bulged at her as she spoke. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline."

"Excuse me?!" Fury's voice rose more than it should have. He expected some resistance on her part, but not a flat out rejection of his generous offer. "You know how many asses I had to kiss to in order to get-"

"Natasha, what's going on?" Steve entered the room when he heard their argument escalate.

"Nothing, Steve." She turned to face him head on. "Fury here has helped me realize that it was a mistake to put me in a team, much less a federal bureaucratic organization."

"What're saying?" He shook his head in confusion- too many things changing around him to fully process. He reached out for her despite her cold reluctance. Natasha's body language closed herself off from him, but her eyes were firmly locked.

"You have your mission, I have mine." She uttered with as much confidence as she could muster, swallowing hard. "And for the first time in a long time- My orders come from me." She detached herself from Steve and made her way out of the room. Steve shot Fury a conflicted look before following after her.

"You're not coming back with me?" Steve anxiously asked, overwhelmed and confused with Natasha's sudden change. "Wh-What about Sam? Bucky's still out there-" Natasha stopped in her tracks.

"You'll find him." She replied simply, an empty smile easing on her face. "And I'll find what I'm looking for as well." The smile vanished, along with her reassuring tone. "It works out better this way. Our paths would have to diverge at some point, Rogers." She hesitated before pressing a kiss to his cheeks flushed with anger before making her way out the front door to the best of her abilities.

"That did not go at all how you intended it, sir." Maria stated, coming to stand by her superior's side.

"No, it did not." Fury shook his head and turned to her. "But it never does when you're dealing with Natasha."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look forward to more Steve/Natasha interactions in the next chapter. Which I hope to be up sometime next week.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Natasha's descion to defect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really go over this before uploading- but oh well. Sorry for any typos. 
> 
> *slight sexual content

"Natasha, where are you going?" Steve panted as he ran to catch up with her. She turned around and shared an empty look, fingers curling by her sides.

"A safe house a couple blocks from here." She nudged her head in the direction of where she was heading down a back alley. "It's no Avengers Tower, but it works for me." Her flippant, conversational tone mocked him, but he pushed aside his frustration.

"What happened with Fury that got you so upset?" He asked earnestly enough that it melted the layers of hardened anger Natasha felt building up inside her. When she walked swiftly with her lips shut tight, Steve brushed his shoulder against hers. "I can't fix the problem if I don't know what it is, right?" Natasha was halfway to the safe house and couldn't help but think how it would be so much easier to separate herself if Steve wasn't so persistent.

"The problem started four months ago when you busted my door down in Cairo." Her voice was as cold as the air that numbed his face, turning on her heels to face him head on. "I told you not to pull on that thread; now look at the mess it's made."

Steve tore his eyes away from her, looking down at the littered sidewalk as he recalled her warning after handing him Bucky's file. He thought back to the past four months they spent running around the world chasing a ghost and barely making it out alive. And their work wasn't even over.

"I don't regret my attempts to find Bucky," He mustered all the courage he had, his foundation couldn't waver at a time like that. "Only that you, and many others got hurt in the process." He swallowed hard under Natasha's darting gaze.

"And that's the problem." She huffed. "You will always put the mission ahead of anything else-"

"That's not tr-"

"I would know." Natasha cut him off before he could defend himself. "I am the same way." She sighed softly, her breath visibly releasing from her pouted lips as she kept walking. "It's great and all until you let other people into your life." Her shoulders drooped and she shoved her hands into her pockets, fingers brushing against the paper Brumlow gave her. Despite appearing lost in thought, she stopped in front of a squalid apartment building as if she knew where she was going without even thinking.

She clutched too tightly to the frosted railing as she trudged up the stairs. Steve knew from the little signs of physical weakness, which she struggled to hide, that Natasha was not as put together as she appeared. But she didn't bother to turn around to make sure Steve was behind her when she opened the door, he barely slipping inside.

The lobby was cramped and narrow, black and white checkered tile looking as though it'd seen better days. The dingy walls were lined with the tenant's mail slots which Natasha breezed past on her way towards the industrial spiral staircase. At least the place was heated, the numbness in their body fading. Steve followed behind her up the stairs, his heavy steps causing the structure to creak. Her door was the last one down the hallway which they reached in relative silence. But inside, Steve's mind festered with questions until he looked to see Natasha was completely at ease with the situation (which raised more questions), so he pushed his concerns to the side for a moment.

The door opened up to reveal a painfully bare room. A large bookcase stood in the corner, a couple of plants that wilted from neglect- And one calendar hanging from the wall was still opened to July, around the time she fled from DC.

"It's a nice place." Steve pursed his lips and nodded absentmindedly, his eyes glazing over his surroundings.

"Yeah, but I won't be staying here too long." Natasha replied as she pushed a chair into the table.

 

 

"So, where is Fury sending you off to then?" Steve sat down at the kitchen table she stood by, his fingers laced together and resting on top. His body language read calm, but his insides rustled with anticipation like a volcano that would never erupt.

"Fury tried to toss me to the FBI." She sat down too, a heavy sigh released on its own accord. Her body sunk into the chair. "Stark offered me a job too- but that didn't work so well last time." They both shared a laugh about that, their heads shaking bemusedly. But the laughter died down too quickly and the air became tense once more. "Fury was right about one thing though- the world's a dangerous place, even when you're hiding from it."

A bout of anxious energy came upon her and felt constricted sitting down. She stood up from the table and slowly paced around. The sound of the radiator humming by the window subtly filled the room until Natasha spoke again. "I just think you're chasing after two things that don't want to be found."

Steve's head dropped and he tried not to focus on how far Natasha felt standing on the other end of the kitchen as he attempted to come up with the right words- any words really. "You're not going to stay until we find Bucky, are you?" His jaw clenched as he observed her idly tracing the gradient of the wood with her fingertip. He heard her footsteps stop in front of him, and flinched when she laid her hand on his tense shoulder.

"I don't know, Steve. It's put a toll on all of us." She outlined his cheeks that became subtly gaunt from stress and fatigue with the same finger that traced the wood. The same finger that pulled at his hair and pulled the trigger of a gun. He looked up to see her chewing her bottom lip indecisively and for the first time he started to doubt that finding Bucky was a possibility. His gaze flickered to the old blood stain on Natasha's otherwise clean button up.

"How is it?" Steve asked flatly, nudging his head at the wound. He didn't expect her to unbutton her shirt and show her stomach marred with the gash, which already closed up much to his relief. Then he looked down to the nasty scar she told him Bucky gave on her hip, slightly hidden by her jeans. His fingers slid them down enough that he could see it completely and brushed his thumb over it. Natasha trembled at the slight touch, his large hand cemented on her hip, pressing heat into her cool skin, which was such a welcomed sensation. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to forget about the chaos and- She jolted and her stomach clenched when she felt Steve press a kiss against her skin. He trailed downwards, warm lips brushing against the contours of her torso until her jeans became an obstruction once more. That's when her fingers instinctively buried themselves into his hair and tugged for him to stop.

"No, Steve-" Natasha mewled at the sensation of his bated breath against her skin. His heart faltered for a moment; worried he stepped his bounds and acted too soon. "I'm dirty and smell like rubbing alcohol." He rested his head against her and chuckled in relief before standing up.

"That can easily be fixed, you know?" He gave her a wicked smirk which Natasha would never imagine on him, but secretly relished the sight of. Not too secretly considering his eyes devoured the subtle tremors of her body in response. His hand cupped the back of her head and she crashed her lips against his, opening her mouth to moan and allow Steve's tongue to enter. The chaos could wait for a little bit, she needed a distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you know where this leading! Sorry if it seems like the plot isn't really going anywhere, but there won't be too many filler chapters. 
> 
> I hope to upload at least every week. Thanks so much for the feedback!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Natasha work things out unconventionally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit sexual content up ahead. Hope you all enjoy!

Steve's index finger brushed the underside of Natasha's chin and tilted it upwards. He descended upon her, kissing her deeply as he pressed his tongue into her parted mouth. He let out a relishing moan as a starving man who eats his first meal in days would. The sensation of soft tongues and sharp teeth mixed in a heady combination was far sweeter than he remembered. Natasha's fingers curled in his trimmed blond hair while her other hand grasped tightly to his shirt. She retracted her lips with a soft smacking sound, her glassy eyes staring widely at the man devouring her.

"Let's get you cleaned up before we continue." Steve reasoned, but Natasha simply grabbed his hand and led him towards the bathroom, kicking her shoes off along the way. She turned the rusty knobs of the shower and a stream of cold water followed.

"It'll take a moment for the water to warm up." She informed him while unclipping her bra from behind with nimble fingers. She observed with cool eyes as Steve quickly shed his clothes off, frantic fingers moving to tear away his offending garments. While the water was still warming up and Steve was struggling with his belt, Natasha allowed her fingers to drift between her legs-

"Don't." Steve growled when he glanced up and saw her fingers feverishly worry at her clit. "I wanna do this for you." He explained in a heady voice, hooded eyes glazed with lust- being the most obvious evidence second to his hardened cock flushed red. Natasha swallowed hard at the sight of his sculpted, naked form standing before her. That was all she could do before he grabbed her hand, slick from her arousal, and walked inside the cramped stand-up shower together. Steve's chest heaved in anticipation as he watched Natasha get used the steaming temperature of the water spraying upon her body. His idle hands moved with glide against the contours of her sleek body. He buried his head into the curve of her neck to press searing kisses there, one hand cradling the back of her head while his other busied with cupping the heavy weight of her breasts, thumb brushing teasingly over her sensitive nipples.

Natasha released her first moan of the night in reaction, a soft and ragged sound that made Steve's cock ache and twitch. She could feel it pressed against the inside of her thighs, hard and unrelenting. She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and pressed herself against the cool tiled wall. When his hand eased from her neck and towards her entrance, Natasha's heart rate sped up as he began to continue what she started. She wanted to watch the look of dedication riddled in his features as his fingers diligently pumped into her, but the stream of water was spraying her in the face and she constantly had to blink the liquid out of her eyes. When his index finger crooked inside her and brushed against her core, her eyes screwed shut on their own accord and all she could concentrate on was staving off her climax as her body clenched up.

"Relax, Natasha." His soft command fanned against her face like a mist of perfume. Her arms, which dangled by her sides, suddenly moved to wrap around his neck for support as her legs began to tremble and buckle up. Steve continued to rhythmically pump his fingers into her as she convulsed around them, easing her open with careful actions. Her cries started quietly, the sounds barely hitting his ears— but when his thumb continued to rub against her clit, her ragged screams echoed throughout the whole apartment as she climaxed.

Natasha slumped against the wall and allowed Steve's arms wrapped around her waist to support her while she caught her breath. Her hands reached to cup his cheeks, the sensitive skin of her palm bristling from the sensation of his growing stubble.

"Someone needs to shave." She teased softly, molding her body against his firm build. Her eyes flickered to his lips that were curled into a smile before she pressed her lips to them carefully. She started slowly, but eventually her flushed body craved more and her movements became frantic. But Steve pulled away too soon—

"The water's getting cold, Tasha." Steve observed with a smirk before unraveling himself to turn around and shut the water off. Natasha stepped out first and went to grab towels for both of them. They trembled from the cold air hitting their damp skin as they walked to Natasha's room at the end of the hallway. She dropped her towel on the floor and slipped a baggy tee shirt over her head. When she turned around, Steve was staring at her with wide eyes.

"That's my Dodgers shirt!" He huffed in a mixture of frustration and amazement. "I've been looking for that shirt for months, Nat." His whining died down when she crawled in next to him. "Do you have my ball cap too?" He looked down at Natasha who rested her head on his chest, damp locks of hair tickling his skin.

"No," She folded the blanket over both of them and looked up with an sinful grin. "Sam took that."

Natasha felt Steve's chest tighten up under her and she tilted her head to see the look of dread line his face.

"Speaking of Sam and everything—" Steve spoke carefully, as if every word would make or break the situation. "I need to know something." Natasha sat up all the way so she could look him in the eyes. She knew what he was going to ask, but she still wasn't prepared.

 

 

 

 

 

"Are you staying with us?" He knew her answer already when she let out a deep sigh and slumped against the headboard.

"I don't think so, Steve. Brumlow's called me out and I need to know why. I'd rather go alone to HYDRA then have them come find me and hurt you guys in the process." Natasha brushed her fingertips against the bluish marking on his chest from where the ICER gun hit him.

"If you wanna go after Brumlow, shouldn't you be preparing?" Steve asked with a hint of frustration at her nonchalance about the whole situation, watching as she curled under the covers and closed her eyes.

_"I'm giving him a head start."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to update, but like I said— I hope to upload every week. Thanks for everyone's continual patience and support.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve leaves Natasha's place and is left with unresolved feelings. He seeks refuge at Sam's house and the truth is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I am very hesitant about this chapter- It's definitely the strangest one in the whole series. So sorry if some people are uncomfortable or feel it doesn't feel right. 
> 
> *Sexual Content- masturbation, recollections of past sexual encounters  
> Suicide- mentions in conversation about it  
> Brief language

Shortly after Natasha confirmed her decision to go after Brumlow and HYDRA, she also decided it was best Steve left.

So he did.

He dragged his feet against the rough sidewalk, watching his breath release as he let out a long sigh. He knocked on the window of a taxi parked at the end of the street and the driver unlocked the doors for him to enter.

When Steve sank down into the backseat and murmured the address of Sam's place- the driver did a double take. His eyes widened when he beheld Steve, but wasn't completely sure if it was in fact Captain America. Steve's hair became more dirty than blond and stubble began to grow on his weary face. On top of that, the scowl he wore was too uncharacteristic of Captain America. So, the driver kept silently glancing at Steve in the rear view mirror without a word.

Steve was too preoccupied with the flashes of Natasha he could fester in his mind when he closed his eyes: Her soft lips parting open, water droplets rolling down her slender neck, soft gasps which gave way to full on moans in his ears, how fucking warm she felt while he was freezing his ass off—

Despite the cold weather, he grew painfully erect from the thought of Natasha. He cursed himself for thinking about her and how he'd have to find a way to take care of this situation.

When the taxi pulled up in Sam's driveway, Steve flashed the man an unconvincing smile and tossed him a twenty before stumbling outside. His movements were awkward because every time he walked, his jeans would chafe and create uncomfortable friction. As soon as Sam opened the door, Steve breathed in relief and pushed past him.

"Hey, man. Where'd you go?" Sam called after his friend who was in a hurry to get somewhere. Before he could find out what was wrong- the telephone rang. He glanced over at Steve who suddenly disappeared down the hallway as the phone kept blaring with the ringtone he hated so much, but didn't know how to change. He chose the telephone.

"Yes, Hello?"

"Maria Hill speaking. Who is this?"

"If you call Sam Wilson's house, you're gonna get Sam Wilson."

"Just making sure it wasn't some buddy of yours at your house that answered before I exposed extremely confidential information."

"I don't think now is a good time to be inviting a buddy over seeing as everything has managed to turn to hell in the past day or so."

"Things have been hellish far longer than that- Fury and I are just couldn't contain it any longer and we need you guy's help."

"Okay, how can I help?"

"First thing you can do is put Natasha on the phone."

"She's not here. I was going to ask Steve, who just got here before you called."

"Sorry for the inconvenient timing. But I need to speak with her before she does something drastic. Make sure to call back."

"Will do. Bye."

Sam set down the phone and rubbed his forehead to reduce the tension before going to check on Steve. 

* * *

 Steve ignored his friend's questions and shut himself away in the hallway bathroom. When he heard the phone ring, he thanked whoever called. He stood with his head resting against the wall as he shoved his hands down his pants. His movements were jerky and frantic as his fingers wrapped around his aching cock. He screwed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth, not being able to stop the ragged breaths that escaped him as he tried to think of Natasha. Think of her own slender and more talented fingers wrapping around him instead. Just the thought of her touching him-

"Whoa, sorry Steve." Sam fumbled on his words before casting his eyes to the floor. Steve face grew even more flushed as he stuffed his dick back in his pants and zipped them up.

"I should be the one saying sorry." He shook his head and laughed awkwardly at the whole situation. It was the only thing one could do. "I just came into your house and just- _you know_ \- didn't even have the decency to lock the bathroom door." When they both stopped laughing about it all, Steve asked if he was okay.

"Of course I am, man! Don't worry about it." Sam waved him off nonchalantly. "Listen, I used to live in a squadron with five other dudes-" He spoke from the corner of his mouth, as if telling a secret. "I've seen my fair share of things." Steve eyes widened incredulously at his friend's joke.

" _I've seen my fair share of things?_ " Steve huffed before going to the sink and turning the cold water on to wash his hands. "You could have chosen any other way to phrase it and it would have been better."

"Fine!" Sam jokingly through up his hands in defeat. " _Self indulging activities._ Is that better?"

"Now you're starting to sound like Thor or something." Steve muttered as he patted his hands down with a plush towel.

"Thor?!" His eyes lit up in ways Steve hadn't seen in a long time. That thought made him wonder even more if leaving the mission would do them some good. "Man, that guy is crazy!"

"You should have seen his brother." He smirked, loving how enthusiastic his friend was and forgetting what people outside of the team think of the Avengers.

"Oh, I saw the whole thing go down- on my TV set of course." He brushed aside that minor detail, too concentrated on recalling the events of the Battle of New York. "I saw you, The Hulk, Iron Man-" His words fell short and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion:

"But where was Natasha?"

"I don't know," Steve's breath hitched at the sound of her name and he brushed the question off, not wanting to revisit those memories so soon again. "I think she was piloting one of the quinjets or something." He maneuvered around Sam so he could leave the bathroom and not have to look at his friend. 

 

"Are you angry at her for leaving us?"

 

Steve wasn't fast enough to escape the question he knew Sam would ask. He tried to make a joke out of it all instead of really answering it. "From what you just saw, I think you can assume anger isn't what I feel towards Natasha right now."

That bullshit answer obviously wasn't cutting it by the silent glare Sam fixed on him-

"I'm fine, Sam."

"You know? I always hated that response. _I'm fine_. What does that even mean?" Sam sat down on the edge of his coffee table so he was sitting directly in front of Steve. "A soldier once told me he was fine and ended up hanging himself from his ceiling fan." His head fell solemnly and he nodded in disbelief. "When I felt something wasn't right, I stopped by his place, and that's when I found him." When Sam raised his head and looked at Steve straight on, there was an undeniable intensity riddled with guilt and sorrow. It was almost too painful to look at, but Steve was very familiar with the feeling.

"He shoved his dog tags down his throat. That's the ultimate sign of humility and guilt." Sam's voice became raw in his throat, but he swallowed it down. " _So, please_." He spoke through gritted teeth. "Do me a favor and don't ever tell me you're fine."

After that, it felt wrong for Steve not to open up. Sam was a talented counselor, but more importantly, his friend who deserved to know the truth.

"There's some times during debriefings or when missions take a turn for the worse- as this one has - that my mind wanders, I suppose." The words felt wrong coming out of his mouth. "But no, I'm not going anywhere Sam." He tried to give his friend a convincing smile to reassure him.

"Did you see a lot of it happening during the war?" Sam asked cautiously, knowing they never really discussed those dark times of his life.

"Suicide? Not on our end." Steve sank further into his seat and steepled his fingers under his chin. "I don't know how many times I saw Japanese soldiers blow their brains out because they were taught death would be better than being taken a prisoner of war."

"What stops you from those thoughts?" Now Steve looked at Sam and saw the counselor aspect of him take over, and this wasn't a simple chat anymore. "When Fury is shitting about god knows what in those debriefings, or an important mission goes haywire, _or you lose people you care about_ , what stops you?"

"I may not be happy every second of the day," He reasoned. "But the people that we fight for, the people who have their freedom because of what we do, that's what stops me." Steve's eyes narrowed as he wondered if Sam thought he would actually consider it. "Why'd you ask?"

 

"It's just-" Sam tried to come up with the right words to explain himself. "I remember a while back before this all started, you stopped by the VA and we were talking and whatnot-" He waved his hands about awkwardly, fumbling on his words. "And I asked you what made you happy." He flashed a big grin at him that nearly hurt. "And you know what you said?"

"I don't know." Steve repeated, his eyes growing blank as he zoned out and recalled that memory. That point in time when things seemed hard, but nothing compared to where he was now.

" _I don't know._ Exactly." The smile on Sam's face dwindled into a genuine expression. "I guess I'm just wondering if things have changed." 

 

"Things have changed alright," Steve's eyes sharpened as he looked at Sam once more. "I'm still trying to figure out if it's for the better or not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry about this chapter. But there was some very much needed Sam interactions- some people forget he's a trained counselor and not just comic relief.
> 
> I swear I have big plans for this story and the plot will accelerate very soon! Thanks for everyone being patient and considerate.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After news breaks that HYDRA has attacked an armory, along with other issues of concern– Sam, Maria Hill, and Steve are sent on a mission to get to the bottom of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief introduction of a new character. Reintroduction of a couple of other established characters.
> 
> *Major Agents of SHIELD References/Spoilers: Agent Koneig appears, references to the most recent episode at the moment (2.09), mentions of Coulson
> 
> Sorry for any typos!

Steve sat hunched in front of the small television set in Sam's kitchen as he shoved spoonfuls of raisin bran into his mouth. It was his third day at the house and he grew tired of the selection in the pantry.

" _Raisin Bran?_ " Sam huffed and incredulously examined the box sitting on the counter. "Last time I checked, I've never bought this stuff in my life." He eyed his friend with a lofted brow, expectantly awaiting a response.

"I ran to the store and bought a box for myself." Steve replied nonchalantly after swallowing another spoonful.

"You– you just ran to the store?" Sam gave a bemused look and chuckled at what he was hearing. "Man, the nearest grocery store is at least ten miles away- and to run from the store back home is another ten!" He tapped the box until more cereal poured out into his friends empty bowl. "You know, one of these days I'm going to outrun you."

"I'll see if I can fit you into my schedule." Steve gave him a cocky grin before shoving more cereal in his mouth. His eyes turned sharp when they focused on the screen displaying video clips of HYDRA soldiers infiltrating the Dresden Armory. The spoon clanked as it fell from the soldier's hand, too distracted by the roaring flames and muffled screams of innocent bystanders. Emergency alerts repeatedly read across the bottom of the screen and he couldn't finish reading the message before Sam changed it to the cooking channel.

"Don't waste your time on the twenty four hour news channel; they never say anything good– just love to rile up the masses. Makes for good business."

"I'd rather people be outraged than ignorant." Steve muttered, looking down at the contents of his now soggy cereal swirling in the pool of milk before pushing it away.

"Do you think Bu-"

Steve's cellphone ringed, interrupting the question, and he left the kitchen to answer it. Sam continued to ponder whether Bucky was somehow involved with HYDRA once more as he watched his friend leave the room.

"Did you see it?" Fury questioned gruffly, not even bothering with small talk or pleasantries.

"The HYDRA incident in Dresden? Yeah, Fury what's goin-"

"I don't know." He sighed deeply on the other end of the phone. "And that's not even my only problem."

"What could possibly take precedence over HYDRA potentially stealing very powerful weapons?" Steve leaned against the wall and shook his head in disbelief, irritation towards Fury's supposed apathy slipping through his tone and demeanor.

"Well, Stark is chewing my ear about his idea to build a surveillance drone since the bastard blew up all his suits, the remaining SHIELD agents we know of are dropping like flies– and my best bunch are causing chaos in Puerto Rico-"

"Why Puerto Rico?" Steve interrupted the Director's unusual rambling, glancing back at the kitchen to see Sam intently watching someone cook crème brûlée on TV.

"That's classified." Fury answered firmly before continuing. "But amongst all this damn chaos, there is someone more pressing on my mind right now."

"Spit it out, Nick."

 

 

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone; a static hiss from the absence of talking that echoed in Steve's ears as he impatiently waited for a reply.

"Nick, dammit what is-"

 

 

"Natasha's gone missing." 

 

 

" _What?_ " Steve's voice rose and fingers tightened their grip on the phone. "H-how did–"

"Maria went to her safe house three days ago and found the place cleared out." Fury helped out by interrupting the soldier's stammering. "She left a cigarette still lit in an ashtray."

"Natasha doesn't smoke?"

"Exactly, it's her way of _communicating_ to those who understand the message–"

"The message being that she's gone off the grid."

"Exactly."

"Wow." Now it was Steve's turn to sigh into the phone as he collapsed into Sam's recliner. "Well, thanks for telling-"

"That's not all, Rogers." Fury spoke sharply, knowing that it was his duty to speak up lest the whole situation were to blow up in his face.

"Your friend, Barnes– He's still alive and ticking." Steve bit down on his fist to refrain from releasing a strangled sob. So many thoughts were racing through his head just from hearing his name. "My sources tell me he's even reached stable enough conditions that they've put him back in the field."

Steve hunched forward and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Blue Monday." He muttered, raking his brain for the information on file that concluded Bucky was stationed in Dresden. If he could access it again, he could find his current stationing.

"How do you know about that?" Fury's voice rose and Steve felt a sense of pride upon knowing classified information that didn't come for the Director first.

"Natasha never plays by the rules."

"No, she does not." Fury's musing turned stoic once more. "All the more reason that you should find her before she breaks something more severe than rules."

" _Find her?_ " Steve huffed. "Sir, when Natasha goes off the grid, it's for a good reason. I don't think–"

"I know you don't think– you feel. You're approaching this situation subjectively." Fury snapped, his tone sharp enough that Steve sat a little straighter. "You're upset she chose the mission over you– but let me let you in on a little secret: _she will always choose the mission_. So will you. It's just who you are. Now screw your head on straight and follow your orders."

"Yes, sir."

Steve said goodbye before hanging up the phone and jumping up from the unsupportive chair back into the kitchen.

"Come on, let's go." He informed Sam who was entranced with how the chef carefully set fire to the top of the desert, such a contrast from the fires HYDRA rained down.

"What?" Sam flicked the television off and set the remote on the countertop before turning to his delusional friend. "What you mean: _lets go?_ It's my mother's birthday tomorrow and my younger brother is gonna be into town only for a few–"

"Whatever happened to: _Captain America needs help; there's no better reason to get back into the game?_ " 

 

 

"The game's worn me out, Steve." Sam's shoulders slumped as he muttered his confession. "I'm not an enhanced super soldier or some genetically modified Russian spy who has decades worth of experience." He shrugged and shook his head in disappointment geared towards himself. "I'll always slow you down."

"Hey," Steve quickly stalked towards his friend and placed a hand on his tense shoulder. "Without you, I'd be dead ten times over. Whatever insecurities you have don't change who you are."

"And what exactly is that?" Sam looked at him with confused and searching eyes.

"You're a soldier. And this is war."

 

* * *

 

Sam drove to one of the few remaining SHIELD airstrips in the middle of a cleared out forest in the outskirts of New Jersey. When he got out of the car first, Sam was met with a pudgy man with a wide grin plastered on his face.

"Agent Wilson! It's great to see you again!" The man exclaimed while vigorously shaking his hand.

"How're you doing, Koenig?" Sam asked while darting his eyes over to Steve who was taking forever grabbing their belongings from the trunk of the car. "You're Sam, right?"

"Yep. Just like you!" He beamed. "Most people mistake me for my brother, but honestly I don't see how you could."

Sam opened his mouth to speak, but decided to not go further into that conversation of the Koenig twins. Steve flanked his side with their bags slung over his shoulders and looked at the agent before him.

"St-Steve Rogers?" Koenig's eyes blew wide open and he dropped the clipboard in his hand before fumbling to pick it up. "Wow, sir. It's an honor. I know _so_ much about you. Last week Coulson and I watched the SSR archive films and you sir-"

"Hold on." Steve took a tentative step forward and eyed the seemingly delusional agent before him. "Did you just say Coulson? Coulson's been dead– since the Battle of New York." Steve looked to Sam who simply shrugged at him.

" _Oh no_." Koenig breathed out. "Fury is going to kill me."

"And I'll be the one to give the order." Maria appeared out of nowhere, walking stiffly towards the group with a stern glare fixed on him. "Not only are you wasting mission time, but you just divulged _very_ classified information and-"

"I want to see him." Steve spoke up, looking at the perplexed faces of the rest of the group.

"Steve, you can't. He's in deep shadow mode along with the rest of his team and-"

"So, he has a new team now?"

"I'm not indulging you anymore on this topic; we have work to do." Maria walked away, signaling for them to follow. Steve swallowed his anger down and reluctantly followed.

"They don't have their lanyards yet!" Koenig jingled the one around his neck in air, but Maria simply waved him off before entering a quinjet with the boys in tow. No one spoke until she slammed the red button which brought the hatch up.

"Fury has instructed that I lead this mission."

"I'm sorry, but what is the mission? Everyone has neglected to keep in the loop about anything– and why is this Coulson guy such a big deal-"

"Perhaps if you stop asking so many questions, maybe I will be able to answer one." Maria cut him off before taking in a long breath. "The mission is to bring Natasha back before..."

"Before _what?_ Natasha isn't reckless." Then Steve realized what the root of their problem was; he could see it in the worried look in Maria's eyes. "You think she's going to defect." It isn't a question, but he still waited for Maria to let out a feeble 'yes' before storming off. He disappeared into the cockpit to fly the aircraft, deciding to make better use of himself than getting angry.

"I can't believe you guys still don't trust Natasha and where her loyalties lie. She has sacrificed everything– _and I damn well mean everything._ " He scoffed at Maria, shaking his head disapprovingly in ways that made her blood boil. "You just can't bear the thought of your trophy agent leaving you guys after you hung her up to dry for the umpteenth time."

When he finished the sentence, he was out of breath and panting subtly. He didn't break eye contact with Maria who simply crossed her arms together and tightened her lips.

"You're right, Wilson." She nodded stiffly and chewed anxiously at her bottom lip. "Fury is scared- got himself cornered." She trudged towards a nearby seat, dragging her feet, before collapsing into it. "After SHIELD fell, so many things changed for us– the realization that agents we trusted for years were traitors. Or HYDRA managing to flip the media on its side and making SHIELD out to be some terrorist group. It was all too much and Fury had to step down as Director. That's where Coulson comes in by the way– new Director of SHIELD, _even though I was superior officer._ "

"What about Natasha? Where does she come into play?" Sam persisted, coming to sit across from her.

"Natasha was Fury's last shred of assurance- she was his constant while everything around him was changing." Maria's head hung down and she laced her fingers together. "Now he resorts to me to fill that role."

"I don't think you're doing too bad of a job. The world hasn't ended yet."

"I just don't think that-"

"Hey, I understand what it's like to be pushed aside for someone else. To be number two. It can eat you up, sitting there wondering what they have that you don't- wondering what's wrong with you."

"Last time I checked Steve would've been dead and Project INSIGHT would've been implemented if not for you- not to mention your impeccable track record with the Army."

"What makes you think I'm talkin' about Steve?" He gave her a funny look that caused a well needed laugh to bubble from her.

"Someone said my name?" Steve sauntered in from the cockpit with an endearing smirk on his face. The methodical measures required to fly a quinjet kept his mind occupied and he appeared much calmer than when they last saw the Captain.

"Yeah, Maria here is quite the gossip." Sam joked before disappearing to take charge of the cockpit. 

 

 

"You never told me where we were heading to before you stormed off." Maria lofted an eyebrow at the man standing before her.

"Sorry about that." Steve sighed as he sank down in the chair next to her. "We're going back to Dresden- Natasha is attracted to action like a moth to a flame, you know that." He nudged his head at Maria. "Always the silent observer in the midst of all the chaos. She said she wanted to take down HYDRA, so I thought it would be best to go where the flames are the brightest."

"You really think she-"

A loud clattering noise coming from the roof of the quinjet interrupted Maria's thought, the pair looking up towards the source of the sound.

"Uh, guys?" Sam scrambled out of the cockpit when he heard it too. "What the hell is go-"

" **Hey, everyone. It's me– Tony."** Stark's robotic voice suddenly filtered in through the PA system and almost blasted the speakers.

"Tony, what the hell is going on?" Maria stood up and started hollering at the ceiling. "We're flying dark, how did you locate this aircraft?"

" **If you let me onboard, I'll tell you everything you wanna know.** " He paused, as if considering something. " **Not everything perhaps. You don't need to know what happened at last month's R &R social.**"

The group collectively rolled their eyes before silently agreeing to let him onboard.

"Strap in– I'm opening the hatch." Maria commanded as she made her way to the red button and waited for them to secure their seat belts. She clutched tightly to a metal bar and slammed down on the button, the emergency sirens automatically blaring.

Immediately, air gushed into the open chamber and roared in their ears. Maria squinted her eyes so she could watch Iron Man thrust forward into the chamber and crash onto the floor before closing the hatch once more.

Once everyone caught their breathes and Tony dusted his suit off, Maria stepped forward with an unamused expression on her face that the billionaire was all to familiar with.

"Start explaining."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *For those who didn't understand some things pertaining to Agents of SHIELD:  
> Agent Sam Koneig: watches over remaining secure SHIELD sites and has identical looking brothers
> 
> Puerto Rico: where Coulson and his team are dealing with HYDRA and inhuman threats 
> 
> Once again, I am so sorry that this took so long to update. Winter break is quickly approaching and I'll be flying home where I'll have lots of time to write and update! 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy where this is going and thanks for being patient and supportive as always.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron Man tags along on the group's mission- not without ruffling a few feathers. Meanwhile, Natasha follows up on the lead Brumlow gave her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The holidays have been busy, but I'm back! 
> 
> Just a heads up, chapter has references to events from the first part of this series. So if some things don't make sense, that's why. Also, I don't own any of the characters, and I'm taking some leniency with their stories. 
> 
> No warnings, just a rather dialogue heavy chapter.

The mask on Tony's face slid back and he let out a long breath before tousling his disheveled hair. Maria stood expectantly as she continued to wait for an answer. Even though the man loved to talk, especially about himself, getting useful information was like pulling teeth.

"Hello, Rogers." He nudged his head in his direction. "Wilson, good to see you again." He looked at the tense crowd before him and let out a nervous chuckle. "You know? For a terrifying moment, I was afraid you guys wouldn't let me in and-"

"Don't make us regret it. Why're you here, Stark?" Steve piped up and stepped forward.

"Funny story, actually." He trudged towards a seat and plopped down with a loud clank, manually divesting himself of his armor. "I sorta keep track of SHIELD's airways," Maria clenched her jaw in reaction, not wishing to interrupt his train of thought but still thoroughly pissed at his illegal monitoring. "You know, considering Stark Industries is who continues to fund them- and nothing has been going in or out for months, until today."

"So, what?" Sam shrugged. "You just decided to follow after this plane for no particular reason? Is that what you do in your free time?"

"Well, no. I tried calling your cellphone," He glanced at Maria. "Which you always answer. When you didn't however-" Tony tossed the last piece of his suit into the chair next to him and stretched his legs. "I suspected you went dark, on a mission- that requires leaving the country, perhaps? Wasn't that hard to put two and two together. And if there is one thing I'm good at is that." He gave an overconfident grin that made him beam with amusing arrogance.

"How did you manage to find out our route and track us down is what I want to know." Maria intervened.

"I promised the pudgy, little agent stationed there- forgot his name..."

" _Koenig_." Maria rolled her eyes, and seriously considered that kill order she was joking about earlier.

"Yeah! I told him I'd stop by his birthday party or something. After that, he was putty in my hands– gave me the flight records and everything." He lofted an eyebrow and folded his arms over his glowing chest. "Widow would be proud of my skills of manipulation."

"That's nice, but she's a little busy fighting HYDRA right now to stroke your ego." Sam informed the billionaire.

"This is a covert mission, Tony." Steve sat down next to him and folded his arms over his chest. "And once people see your face, the whole thing will blow up in the news and we'll be fried." He knew Stark couldn't argue with that reasoning.

"How do you think I got here virtually undetected?" Stark looked to his armor laying in a heap in the chair.

"Activate incognito mode."

Immediately, the suit mantled together and disappeared before their eyes. Sam was impressed, reaching his hand out to feel the cold metal structure still there.

"Is it using SHIELD's reflector technology?" Maria paced around the suit and eyed it carefully as she rubbed her chin. "That's actually- one of the best ideas you've had in a long time."

"Yeah, I know. Cool, right?" He shrugged off their admiration for his technology before turning back to the suit still invisible.

"Deactivate."

"So, do you think this means you're in the clear and you can join the mission in which you have no clearance or debriefing for whatsoever?" Maria brought things back to reality.

"Well, _yes_." Tony huffed amusedly. "I know you guys are heading to Dresden– the HYDRA attacks occurring there have been blasting on the news for days now. And considering you also let it slip Romanov has gone AWOL, I realized this is a retrieval and damage control mission, and I want in."

"You gotta hand it to him; he's good at coming to conclusions." Sam conceded.

"Yeah, he's accurate in his assumptions fifteen percent of the time." Steve muttered as he sank further into his chair.

"Okay, Stark." Maria sighed and rubbed her forehead. "But Fury and I will personally deal with you if this mission goes an inch out of order."

Tony gave a relieved smile and they all buckled in for the long flight remaining to Dresden, each of them individually wondering what would be waiting for them there.

 

* * *

 

Natasha walked through the lively streets of downtown Dresden, eyes aimlessly glancing about her surroundings. A thick coat hid her for the most part, red locks of hair tucked away in a hat as she kept her head down. She appeared to be an insignificant wanderer with a calm disposition, but inside her coat pocket, Natasha's fingers clenched around the scrap of paper with the coordinates Brumlow gave her. She had to rewrite them on a new scrap of paper when her blood and the oil of her fingers smeared the ink.

The sound of construction work caught Natasha's attention as she waited to cross the street. When she glanced over her shoulder and saw the wreckage of the Museum of Ethnology where the KGB incident occurred, her breath caught in her throat and she casted her eyes to the ground. The memories of that place– seeing Bucky disappear like the ghost he is, killing Gretavsky and her best friend, the endless wave of KGB agents with the look of murder in their eyes. These thoughts interrupted the ongoing stream of Brumlow, trying to no end to figure out what was awaiting her. If she should call for back-up, or just leave all together.

Natasha entered the tram and secured herself a seat in the corner, worrying her bottom lip when the memory of her and Steve being here after the KGB incident entered her head. She felt the familiar tremors that plagued her that night roll through her once more and pulled her coat closer against her body to stop the sensation. The GPS with the coordinates planted in it showed the location to be in the outskirts of town.

Brumlow intended to draw her out from the safety of the public and into whatever undisclosed horrors that would await her.

A long cab ride riddled with painful quietness other than the incessant pounding of her heart ended at a dirt road and a dilapidated building further off in the distance. Then the silence ceased when the driver suddenly spoke.

"Just curious, why're you going to this vacated warehouse?" The man's German was broken when he spoke to her, which was odd for a local taxi driver, while he avoided eye contact. "The city wants to tear it down, you know?"

"I'm meeting a friend." Natasha replied curtly before paying the man and swiftly trekking towards the ominous building. Her fingers ghosted over the handgun resting against her hip with a familiar weight. The area was clear and flat, no place for someone to hideout and ambush her.

She took a deep breath before yanking open the back door, the rusted hinges causing it creak as it swung open. The sound immediately alerted Brumlow who was perched in a complicated system of metal walkways up above. He was sinking his teeth into an apple with his boots resting on the railing when Natasha's sudden appearance piqued his attention.

"Romanov." Rumlow's voice was as gravelly as she'd remember when he was whispering death threats into her ear. The smile he put on was wide and beaming, creating creases around his usually beady eyes. It was a good enough reason to whip her gun out and point it at the rouge agent.

"You would never-" Rumlow's taunting was cut off by the sound of her gun firing and a bullet lodging itself into his apple that now fell from his hand. His smile faded from his face as he took into account Natasha's deadly expression and smoking gun still pointed at him.

 

"I wasn't finished eating that, you know?" His voice had an edge to it and Natasha narrowed her eyes at the angered twitch in his face before he swung over the side of the railing and landed on his feet. She estimated it was about a thirty foot drop, and he stalked towards her unflinchingly.

His leather boots squeaked with each calculated step he took towards her, the sound stopping when Brumlow stood inches away from her. He eyed Natasha like a confused animal that tilts its head and squints their eyes for some time. Natasha remained unaffected under his wave of silent scrutiny– until his gloved hand brushed her hair away, his eyes flickering in amusement when she coiled, and pushed it behind her ear. Natasha realized he was checking to see if she had her comm links in, which she didn't, and the crooked grin she was met with made her blood boil.

"And they called _me_ the defected agent." Rumlow commented on her lack of backup, signaling to him that she was alone and therefore she supposedly cut ties with SHIELD.

"They still do, Brumlow." Natasha snapped at him, the click of her gun being reloading getting his attention. "Or should I call you Crossbones?" She bit back a cocky smile and waited for whatever he could possibly come up with to retort.

"Are you still with SHIELD?" He asked calmly, taking the risk of reaching out for her gun. Her fingers loosened around it, allowing him to take it and chuck the thing across the warehouse floor.

"Yes, it's a precarious situation." He always applauded Natasha for her ability to answer a question without giving any solid information.

"The same applies for me, Romanov." He leaned forward and smiled at her the same way he did when she first found him. "We both are not what we think the other is. We both can benefit from a _lenient_ understanding."

"What're you talking about, Rumlow?" Natasha's face scrunched up subtly in frustration.

"My correspondence with SHIELD is not completely done for is what I'm talkin' about." He said it so matter-of-factly, as if it was obvious to see, when in fact, it wasn't at all.

"I'm sorry that I find that hard to believe. You've killed _dozens_ of SHIELD agents as well as attempting to kill Cap and Sam. And you were right under Pierce's thumb along with all the other HYDRA traitors." She panted softly, feeling her control slip along with a steady breathing rhythm. She gathered up her controlled disposition before resuming. "You disappear after the attack on the Triskelion and the only time you show your face again is covered in a skull mask while you cut me open. If you honestly expect me to believe you, you gotta another thing coming."

"I know based on my track record that things aren't adding up. All the more reason why taking on the Crossbones persona was necessary." Natasha tiredly glanced at the clock, which was in army standards, that showed this meeting was inching towards midnight. Allusive games and jet-lag caught up with the redhead and all she wanted to do was sleep.

"Start explaining fast, or I walk." She commanded, her arms folding over her chest.

"Alright, follow me." Rumlow gestured up the stairs which led to where he was sitting around previously. He smirked when she waited for him to walk in front of her and obliged to going first. Her wary eyes were glued to every minute movement he made as they walked towards a computer desk with files scattered about. He waved at a chair for her to sit at across from him and sunk into the one in front of the computer.

"Listen, I _did_ want to get out of SHIELD. But being leader of the Strike Force, it isn't easy to just go off the grid without any reason– or without SHIELD keeping tabs on you." He sighed and rested his face in his hand, the glare of the computer punctuating his tired and gaunt features. "I heard talk of HYDRA members embedded into SHIELD a long time ago, but never bought into it until I heard from the very top that there were plans set into motion for HYDRA to take over." He chuckled dryly to himself, reflecting on how genius his plan was. "HYDRA was my fail-proof ticket outta SHIELD. I could just slip under the radar, and make a name for myself."

"That's working out pretty well for you too." Natasha frankly commented before plucking his Crossbones mask that was strewn across the desk and examining it closely. A flash of light from the window caught her attention, but Brumlow didn't seem to notice so she forgot about it.

" _Yeah_ ," He drew the word out with a sigh, extending his hand so Natasha could give him back the mask. "I wanted to make a name for myself– work on my own, separate from the regulations of regulated organizations. I stayed in HYDRA long enough for them to trust me, said their dramatic speeches about world domination and completed missions on their behalf before I could break away-"

"Then why involve us? Why bring me back here if you wanted to 'break away'?"

"My last mission was to take Wilson and Cap outta the picture. HYDRA wanted you alive because they believe you supposedly have some intel on them and might be able to act as a sort of _consultant_ on how to deal with the Winter Soldier." This news, whether true or not, brought a chill to Natasha who bit down hard on her lip to stop it from quivering. "I didn't want to kill them, and I didn't want to bring you in either. They were watching me closely– perhaps they suspected I wasn't on par in loyalty department." He shrugged nonchalantly, which is all one could do in the situation.

"So you had to either bring me in or kill me?" Natasha arms tightened around her and she glanced down at the gun she should've never given up. She thought it would be okay to be on equal levels with the guy, making herself vulnerable to extract information, but now she was starting to regret it.

"Yeah, but I wanted to meet with you to warn you, Natasha." He leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees and giving her a grave look that showed he meant business. 

 

 

"HYDRA has plans for you. That raid on the Dresden Armory was to showcase they're gearing up for a war. They want to eliminate SHIELD completely and they're using your friend Barnes as their main weapon."

"Do you know anything about where he's stationed?" Natasha rose to her feet suddenly, fingers latching together in nervous anticipation. 

 

 

" _Yes_ ," Brumlow breathed out slowly, his head hung low as if he was going to regret telling her in fear of his own butt on the line. "I have the coordinates," He stood with a sly smirk on his face. "And this time I won't have to cut you open to give them to you."

 

* * *

 

Natasha chuckled to herself, relief washing over despite how messy her situation still was. She promised to turn a blind eye for Crossbones in exchange for his information. Her laughter ceased however, when she caught a glimpse of something on the ground catching a glint of moonlight.

"What the-" She quickly approached the object and nudged it with her foot.

It was a photostatic veil. She recognized the mask immediately as being the same SHIELD tech she used to impersonate the World Security Councilwoman during the attack on the Triskelion. She didn't know what to make of it– nothing good she was sure. 

As soon as her relief settled in, it was gone once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once more for being patient with me. Hope you all enjoy. New characters will be introduced, and will appear in upcoming chapters! Hopefully I can be more frequent in my updates.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky begins to remember again after being recapture by HYDRA after the events of the KGB incident. Deception permeates and loyalties are tested. New characters are introduced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *references to Agents of SHIELD  
> references to events and characters in part one of this series
> 
> Sorry for any typos, for some reason my spellcheck isn't working right now.

_"What do you see?"_

A distant voice breezed through him like a wind rustling curtains. It had been five weeks since HYDRA tracked down Bucky after the KGB incident, keeping him in cryosleep as punishment. After each session of dormancy, a physician would interview him concerning his mental stability.

His mind was a kaleidoscope of memories that did not belong to him. They did at one point, he reassured himself. When the men in lab coats came like vultures, he knew what to do. Deny any existence other than the Winter Soldier. Even some parts of his life as HYDRA's Asset blurred endlessly in a smear of seemingly unattached objects and occurrences–

He scrubbed unidentified blood off his trembling body.

He reached out to touch the watery smiles of faces he couldn't recall.

He slept on the couch in a ratty apartment that was not his.

He felt the sensation of someone's lips ascending upon him, but never the intimacy of familiarity. Never. He wasn't that lucky.

He ate a slice of cherry pie that was a family recipe, but not his family. He didn't have a family. He had handlers.

He always woke to the wailing off a train surging on and the sharp whistling of wind in his ears.

"Vienna '65." Bucky finally responded after much thought that made his withered face scrunch. "There's a park I went to instead of the mission checkpoint. I–" He trailed off and shook his head frustratedly, flesh and metal fingers clenching in harmony. _Harmony_. "I don't know who I meeting that was so important to break protocol."

"Do you remember anything else?"

"No–" He seethed, but his frustration waned into hollow reverence. " _Yes_. There's a name: St-Steve–" He jerked around so he saw the person interviewing him. He always kept his back hunched away from their scrutinizing gaze. She was a warily calm woman who gave him a synthetic, wrinkled smile.

"But I learn targets names all the time. This Steve, he's just another target, right?" Bucky asked her almost in a pleading manner, as if he wanted it to be true. If Steve was just another target, then there was just a flaw in his programming that could fixed– and he wouldn't be riddled with worry about someone he couldn't know, a memory that could never be recalled.

"Yes, soldier. That's exactly who Steve is: A target." The interviewer's smile was tinged in sorrow in ways she couldn't control. But only for a moment, her stoic expression returned almost immediately. "You are so caught up on him because he is the only target you've been assigned that managed to slip away. Tell me, do you remember anyone else?" 

 

 

"I remember the concept of them– _her_ ," He corrected himself, his eyes painted over with flickers of a woman that frequented his detached recollections. "Red. It's all red. And then sometimes my mind clears enough and I see her smile. I remember she was at my extract point in Crimea '75." Bucky stood from his chair and anticipated her flinch. Everyone flinched whenever he made a sudden movement. They wanted him to be a predictable machine, but treated him like an untamed animal.

"I remember her from somewhere, farther away, only bits and pieces–"

"Would you be able to recognize these people you speak of by visually identifying them?" She reached into her leather attaché case and pulled out a surveillance shot of the two people in question.

His heart faltered, chest tightened, eyes blew wide at the sight of the pair. It was them, but when Bucky tore his eyes away from the grainy picture that was the closest link to piecing together his tampered mind, he sensed a demure relief in the woman's expectant eyes.

"No, I don't– I can't remember." Bucky spoke as resolutely as he could muster. He knew if he told the truth, it would all be taken away from him. His endless nights trying to fight his programming to recall the simplest of things would go to waste. These people– Steve and Natasha, would go to waste. He would continue to deny his memories in order to secure his freedom.

"You've done very well. Master wishes you to lead the team tomorrow at the armory." Doctor Hallsworth chanced another smile before adding: "Get some rest."

He left in a flurry of confusion before she realized that was uncharacteristic of a HYDRA handler to say such things.

The woman waited until the door clicked shut behind the Winter Soldier before giving her oral report. Her slender fingers tapped the phone number mindlessly and she waited patiently, listening to the dial tone until someone picked up.

"Herr Strucker, Doctor Hallsworth reporting the current status of the Asset."

"Continue." He urged her, his voice calm and not betraying of his anxious demeanor.

"He is compliant, but I fear he may be holding back on the matter of his memories."

"He was in the ice for a month after being wiped– What's the meaning of this?" He hissed, and the woman could hear him slam his hand onto his desk.

"I haven't the slightest idea." She replied innocently.

"You may be new, _Doctor Hallsworth_." He sneered, the butter words coming through his clenched teeth. "But HYDRA will not stand for unnecessary error. Get to the bottom of this– Now!"

"Yes, sir." Doctor Hallsworth slammed the phone and let out a deep sigh before frustratingly ripping off her photostatic veil and tossing onto the desk.

" _Bastard_." Bobbi Morse muttered to herself while her mind reeled with the work cut out for her. She decided to make one more phone call before clocking out.

"Mockingbird speaking, is the line secure?"

"Bobbi? It's Frank Galloway from communications. I haven't heard from you in months!"

"Yeah, you know how it is." She shook her head before changing the subject. "How are the kids?"

"Great, Jessica just graduated from high school and all. There was a big party on the 41st floor."

"Wish I coulda been there– Listen, is Fury still around?"

"Yeah– I'll patch you over immediately."

"Thanks."

Bobbi tapped her nails against her desk– Doctor Hallsworth's desk, nervously as she waited once more for someone to pick up.

"Morse, is that you?" Fury's voice was raspy on the other end.

"Yes, sir. I'm reporting on Red Cresent. The subject's a loose wire, but there's potential. I'll try my best keep the damage down to a minimum."

"Good work. Anything else?"

"Yeah," Bobbi huffed as she picked up the mask she'd been wearing all day. "Can you get Fitzsimmons to make some adjustments on those damn photostatic masks so they feel less like I just put a condom over my head?"

"You execute Red Crescent without any complications and you can do whatever you want, Morse."

"Alright, I'll hold you to that and–" Bobbi's relaxed tone faltered when she heard the synchronized rhythm of boots echoing down the hall and realized she getting too loose with her cover.

"Contact you soon." She hung up the phone and sighed once more before grudgingly putting the veil over her face once more. 

* * *

 

 

"Winter Soldier, status report."

"The vicinity is cleared out; all civilians are effectively disposed of." Bucky shot out the response automatically, meeting his handler's eyes with the glassy, robotic gaze he loved so much. The look that signified his soldier was in line.

He had no thoughts, just orders.

" _Perfect_." Baron Von Strucker grinned in an animalistic manner, the kind that gleamed with self indulging evil. "Don't you agree?"

"Agree to what, sir?" Bucky's expression was riddled with genuine confusion. He had no concept of perfection because he had no concept of expectation. He carried out his superior's desires so _they_ could indulge in perfection. There was no room for indulgence with the Winter Soldier. At least not when anyone was surveying him. He indulged in his fragmented memories, which they couldn't take away if they knew not of theor existence.

"You may not understand this, boy." Bucky flinched when Strucker slung his arm around his tense shoulders and squeezed his cold metal arm. "But when one observes their dreams coming to fruition, it is the most satisfying sensation one can experience– Nothing else compares to it." His musing ceased and a deadly scowl took over his features once more. "All the more reason for this operation to run smoothly. One tiny crack in a dam, and the whole river floods over."

"If a tiny crack can stop a dam, then maybe it's not as formidable as expected. Maybe the river fights against the dam because–"

"Who programmed you to be so metaphorical?" Strucker chuckled sardonically, throwing his head back as his shoulders bounced. This was a signal to the surrounding agents to join along. "Just like the dam, you have a duty that cannot falter. Your duty is to follow orders and stay in line. Keep the river from flooding over." He observed his men loading weapons of all forms into vans that would be shipped to headquarters. "You see?"

"Yes, sir." Bucky nodded in submission and awaited orders.

"Good." Strucker walked towards the security monitor and spotted a certain someone breaking into the facility who had been a thorn in his side for too long.

Steve Rogers. And whoever was persuaded by his insufferable breeding of loyalty.

"Now, enough talk of rivers; give our newly arriving guests a proper introduction." He handed the soldier one of the many assault rifles being loaded, which was a clear enough message of what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this story seems like it's never going to tie up, but things will all come together hopefully!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve, Sam, Maria, and Tony storm the HYDRA ran armory and things take a new turn when The Winter Soldier shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *mild violence  
> reference to Agents of SHIELD- technically you just need to know who Bobbie Morse is 
> 
> Sorry for any typos.

Steve kicked the front door down, alerting the surrounding agents of their arrival. Before they could even whip their guns out, Maria Hill tossed a smoke bomb down the hallway and masked their position. Sam, who missed using his flight-pack, slid his goggles over his eyes and went first to breach the smoke with a gun in hand.

Three gunshots, three agents. 

"Clear!" Sam called out, soon feeling Maria and Steve flanking his sides as they continued on. Maria kept her gun trained on any potential threats, checking every room and hallway of the armory. 

"This is easy– I forgot how lame HYDRA goons are." Sam nudged Steve's shoulder after he put one in a choker hold. 

"It's too easy, Sam." He sighed, looking at the endless hallways with no more agents around to fight. Steve was in the process of figuring out HYDRA's play when his comm link crackled in his ear, his cue that Iron Man was in position. 

• 

"Steve, all the action is going on the shipping yard– where are you guys?" Tony's voice filtered into the Captain's ears and he turned behind him to see Sam grab an agent by the head and slam it against the wall, not pleased with his work until the agent went sliding down to the floor. 

"Where's Hill at?" He asked Sam, clutching harder to his gun in hand now that he knew what to do. "We need to get down to the-" 

"Shipping yard, I know." Maria sauntered towards them, wiping the blood off her forehead. "I was monitoring their movements and any potential weaknesses we could utilize before someone came out of nowhere and slammed the boot of their gun into my forehead." She hissed in pain when she touched the wound again. "I was out for a couple minutes, didn't get a read on who it was." 

"Why aren't they sending more agents our way?" Sam asked worriedly. "Don't they know we're here?" 

"They don't need a wave of agents–" Steve turned around and saw exactly who he suspected to be there standing at the opposite end of the hallway. "They only need one." 

"Steve, man we don't have time for this." Sam reasoned with him, lifting his goggles up to see the Winter Soldier standing before them. 

"That's HYDRA's plan." He stepped forward towards Bucky who had a different look in his eyes from murderous. "You and Maria go ahead to the shipping yards– Tony is getting impatient." 

They looked to each other before reluctantly running off. 

"Bucky, you don't have to do this anymore." Steve felt the grip he had on his gun falter at the sight of his friend. He didn't say anything, but his metal fingers tapped twice against his leg and Steve sighed in relief before being tackled to the ground. He remembered some things– including their old signal of distress. 

"Strucker's watching." Bucky murmured, lips barely moving in case the cameras picked up on that too. Steve knew that he had to play along lest it look as though the Winter Soldier's allegiance with HYDRA was wavering. And nothing good would come from that. 

So, Steve kneed Bucky in the gut and got up to grab his shield. Bucky shot twice, both bullets ricocheting off the metal with a pinging sound. He grabbed the metal arm and twisted Bucky's wrist till the gun dropped from his hand. He followed that move with ramming the shield into his chest, sending him falling hard on the floor. 

Worried that he went too far, Steve anxiously stepped towards his groaning friend who laid unmoving on the floor. When he got close enough, Bucky swiped his legs out and Steve fell to the floor while he flipped his way onto his feet again. He tried not to look at the cameras during the whole thing, feeling Strucker's unsettling presence even now as he reached for his gun to "finish the job". 

Gunshots went off and blasted the nearest cameras off the wall and both Bucky and Steve eyes widened at the source. 

"Natasha." 

• 

"Tony, this is Hill." Maria spoke into her communicator as the pair jogged towards the shipping yards as instructed. Stark had been pacing on the roof just waiting for an order. "Give us a head start. Wilson and I are on our way. I repeat, we're on our way." 

"Roger that." Stark replied before realizing there was something odd in the phrase he chose. "Does Rogers get confused when you guys say that or-" 

"Stark, just blow stuff up already." Maria rolled her eyes and muted her comm link when she and Sam got to the source. They watched Iron Man rain down pulsar beams from his invisible suit onto unsuspected agents. He sent a truck skittering and flipping on its side when it tried to drive off. 

"Show yourselves!" Strucker hollered in the midst of the chaos. "I like to look my enemies in the eye and say-" Tony materialized at the last moment and kicked him in the chest, pushing off of it and flipping back into the air. 

"Must be hard to do with one good eye, buddy." He scoffed at the bewildered expression on the man's face before sending a pulsar beam at a flank of agents that began taking fire at his suit. 

Sam and Maria came into the scene and began taking people out as well. He yanked a driver out of his seat and sent him crashing to the ground while Maria shot the agents hurriedly loading weapons into it. Tony was having too much fun disappearing and reappearing before taking out a dozen with one shot. 

• 

"Natasha." Steve breathed out in relief as he scampered to his feet. Bucky stood perplexed, testing the name he just heard, allowing himself to utter it quietly. He watched Steve scoop her into his arms and his heart quickened for reasons he didn't fully comprehend. All he knew was that the two people he remembered were right before him, and they were okay. 

Bucky looked passed the pair to see someone watching the whole thing go down with a tinged smile on her face. 

"Dr. Hallsworth?" Bucky stepped forward towards her with scrutinizing eyes, wondering why she was here and nobody was doing anything about it yet. Steve pulled away from Natasha and they watched Bobbi pull the wig off her head and the photostatic veil off her face. The Winter Soldier still wasn't sure as to what was going on, but he felt at ease around her if Steve and Natasha were. 

"We can explain later." Bobbi began a quick pace towards his holding cell. "Right now, we need to get your memories back." 

Bucky stopped in his tracks and heaved in a deep breath, feeling Steve's reassuring hand on his shoulder, ushering him into the room. 

There was a display of hi-tech computers rigged to a strange looking contraption. Natasha cringed at the sight of it, recognizing the machine immediately. She helped him into the seat and placed the restraints around his wrists and ankles. 

"Natasha." Bucky whispered, glancing at Steve and Bobbi as she explained the procedure to him. "That is not your name, but it is your face." 

The redhead kept her face hidden, head turned away as she tightened the last restraint around his ankle. Her heart faltered in painful ways at his surprising words. When she finally rewarded him by looking up, she kept her face as calm as possible even as her lips began to twitch. 

"You're right. Just as much as your name is not the Winter Soldier." She allowed herself to pat his knee before pulling away, not trusting herself. "You'll understand soon." 

"You ready Natasha?" Bobbi called from where she was stationed at the computers. She stepped away from Bucky and stood next to Steve who anxiously gathered her into his arms once more. 

"Is this going to hurt him?" Natasha asked Bobbi before she pressed the launch sequence. 

"No, minor headaches at the most. Only a slight discomfort; you guys have nothing to worry about." She gave them a reassuring smile before starting up the process. 

Steve's arms tightened around Natasha when they watched Bucky begin to twitch and shift in his seat silently. He remained as such for ten minutes or so until the process was complete and his memories were restored into his brain through reverse supplementation. 

"He won't be able to sting together coherent thoughts for the next hour or so..." Bobbi informed them before Natasha went to unstrap him. Steve's eyes flashed at her, demanding an explanation as to why she didn't tell them that before. "It's a strain on the mind to suddenly have to process decades worth of memories, especially if they're the memories he's had." 

"You're right." Steve breathed out when he watched him attack Natasha with an all consuming hug as he sobbed profusely into her shoulder. "Thank you, Bobbi." He patted her shoulder and allowed himself to smile finally. "Tell Fury I said hi and that going off the books can get you places." 

"Oh, this was his plan all along." She smirked at him before concentrating on wiping out HYDRA's memory database on the computers all together. "He knows all our weak points and what it is that motivates us to get what he needs done." 

Steve shook his head in disbelief at this information before the door busted down. Sam, Maria, and Tony filtered in and he allowed himself to breathe at the sight of his full team together again. Hill and Morse flocked together and Sam joined Steve with Natasha and Bucky while Tony stood in the doorway craving something to eat for lunch. 

Steve and Bucky stared at each other for some time before cracking grins and wrestling each other into a hug, the same going for Sam and Natasha. When Tong saw tears welling in Cap's eyes, he had to inappropriately intervene. 

"Hate to break up the love fest I was excluded from," Stark stepped forward and flipped his face mask off. "But we should get out of here before HYDRA reinforcements arrive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to be starting my study abroad program soon, which means I don't know when I'll have time to write and update this as much as I'd like. Thank you all for being patient as always when I don't post anything for a week or more, but I honestly don't know when the next update for this will be.
> 
> Thanks again for your support.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any questions or commentary, feel free to let me know.


End file.
